There are hot words in my head... and at the point of exploding out of my mouth.  Control yourself. Belinda you are not the fixer and right maker of all the things that you think are wrong.  You are barely able to keep yourself in line and here you go again in the same old battle of controlling and fixing.  it came to me today in my meditating and reading that there is always a war somewhere and there has been since the beginning.  But why do I have to keep a war going in my own hulla hoop.  Why can I not be at peace?   It is not my job... it is not my job... it is not my job... it is not my job... to offer advice ... or helpful suggestions or anything that is not being ask of me by another person.  

Up dated today 23rd Oct 2020

The bear is asleep!

Grocery Basket.

I was talking late one night not so long ago with my sister-in-law, Doris.  She lives in Arkansas.  After a bit of catching up we began to gab about  how we arrange things in our shopping carts, but it was all in reference to people. How we got on this topic only the Creator knows.  We sometimes have  this sort of kooky humor about things.  Next we began to rattle on about where people would place them themselves in their buggies regarding their self-importance.

For our amusement we bagan to imagine ourselves on a shopping spree at the newest Market Street and organizing people in our carts. Who or what goes where and why does it go there?  I tend to place my very expensive items or freshly baked bread or organic, farm fresh, all natural eggs in a safe place in the cart.  Then the toilet paper and the toilet bowl cleaner usually go on the bottom shelf along with the dog food or charcoal.  So who gets to be in the best place in my buggy and who goes on the bottom? You can see it can't you?

Next we began to talk about where we would be placed in another person's cart. I then had this image of myself loaded into the bottom of the grocery cart with Doris pushing, and off we went to shop..........  As we were discussing how to get me onto the bottom of the cart  I was sitting on the floor measuring myself and waving my arms around trying to get Doris to see that I was not going to fit.  In the process, I accidentally smacked a small wiry older lady in the shin as she was passing by on her way to shop.  She was not amused and totally snubbed us with a fiesty sparkle in her eye. She was indignant that I had touched her.  I tried to apologize, but she totally ignored me.   I stuffed myself into the bottom of the cart trying my best to contain  my arms and legs under the buggy in a dignified manner as we began to stroll down the cleaning products aisle.  Doris then got this wild look in her eye as she spyed the little lady not too far behind us checking out a fly swatter.  She was not hard to miss dressed in tennis shoes, a 50's dated floral dress, and a very fancy hat on her head. She also carried a BIG purse hanging from the crook of her arm.  She pushed up very close to us and tried to pass, but Doris was not having any of that.  Miss BIG PURSE waited till we were busy talking and then flew by.  I was trying to tell to Doris to buy the all natural detergent.  Doris told me to get back under the cart and be quiet. I obeyed like a good girl.  Doris was determined to stay in front of her.  Doris passed her, turned around, grinned wildly and starting running down the aisle.  I  had raised the side of her dress with a knee that was protruding from under the cart as we passed her.  The race was on.  She sped around the corner, and my arms flew out and I knocked down all the paper towels that were stacked on the end cap.  The fiery old gal was not deterred one bit.  She barrelled through the paper towels and plowed into the back of Doris' heels.  Now Doris was hot, and I was trying to get off this cart bound for disaster.   "No way are you getting off," Doris yelled.  Away she went.  My head jerked back, and it was now hanging off the back, my feet sticking straight out like a battering ram and my hands gripping on to the sides of the basket  for dear life as Doris dashed down the water aisle.  My body parts were like bulldozers rakeing most everything off the bottom two shelves.  No, she couldn't just run straight down the aisle; she was weaving, rocking and rolling. Miss Fancy pants was right behind her.   Doris hung a right,  then right again, and flew around the next corner.  I had my eyes  squeezed so tight, so afraid of what I might see.... the baking goods aisle,  that is where she turned.  I managed to obliterate all the goods on the bottom two rows with my hands and feet.... flour, corn meal, and sugar filled the air.... by now the store manager was in on the chase of two crazy women and one innocent buggy rider. Doris was on fire howling and laughing... having the time of her life.  The Miss BIG purse was still in pursuit... no stopping her either. She was covered in flour, water and cooking oil from the last turn.  I was gagging and chocking from the cloud of baking goods falling to the floor.  I was praying, "ohhh dear God save me from this and I will be a good old woman the rest of my life!"

I woke up... or tried to wake up.  I was tangled up in my electric blanket, the cell phone cord, and had the lamp from my side table on top of me.   Oh thank you sweet Jesus; it was only a dream.   I will never, ever go shopping with Doris, and if I see a litle old lady with a BIG purse at Wal Mart I WILL RUN, RUN, RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!!

The Air They Breath

I was always in the thinking mode of how, what, and who I needed to change.  It never occurred to me that there was much wrong with me until the fatal day in Buenos Aries, Argentina,  in the house of Jacquie Mitchell that I picked up this book called, "Co-Dependent No More".  What in the world in this I said to myself.  Co-dependent.  We were waiting to to go somewhere so I began to flip pages when I  saw this notation... solving peoples problems.  I thought, ahh that is what I like to do. Then moving back toward the front of the book I noticed several pages with lists of codependent characteristics. Hummm ... never had heard of that. Decided to take a closer look and in thumbing through this book a sensation grabbed my heart and made me almost want to run to the bathroom and throw up.  I knew without a doubt that I had been brought all the way to Buenos Aires, Argentina  to finally  have my my eyes opened to  some serious character flaws.
It has taken lots and lots of reading, praying, and soul searching to come to terms of my serious control issues of people, places, and things.  I think I may have reached a point where I am doing better and then then the Creator places another bridge to cross in my journey.  PEOPLE.... ah, there are some who's very air they breath irritate me.  I cannot change anyone else but me so I have to begin again to surrender all of this breathing trouble once again to my Creator. It is certainly a blessing that I cannot twinkle my nose and vanish the few humans that irritate me so much... and you know what, I don't even cross paths with them that often.  Go figure.  I am one sick gal.    That is why I try to stick so close to Jesus and my Al-Anon.  I am sure it has to do with the idea that I think that I know everything.
I am laughing for certain because I don't know shit about nothin except me.

Later.

My Anniversary!

October the 23rd, one day gone, four years since I drove out of Mexico.  I cannot believe that these 4 years have raced and oozed by since I left Mexico.  Here I am still living and doing in Childress, Texas.   And I have only lived in 2 houses in the last four years. We bought a house in February of this year.  It is an older home with good bones.  We are blessed.  I am in my second year of teaching art classes to some really great and talented kids.  I have learned how to resurface counter tops with Granicrete and I am pretty good at it.  I don't have a dog and that is a good thing. 
  
I continue to paint for me. I have had several adult students but right now I just have one and she is awesome. 

There is a bible study group that meets in my studio which began in another place and for some  reason God saw fit to move it to Moore Art Studio/Gallery.  What a blessing it is and has been for many gals.  Women are hungry for  a safe place to come and share their hearts and have hands laid on them in powerful prayer.  They come and go as the Spirit moves them.  I use to be concerned that my life in ministry would be over since I was not an "official missionary"... bah humbug.  God is using me and all of the messy and blessed experiences in my life to make a difference in this small corner of Texas. 
I still clean houses.  It is a good and honorable way to live.
I miss Mexico and my heart is troubled due to all of the violence that is so common.  My heart is troubled by the addiction that is so rampant in this country.  Addiction and Drug Lords are in cahoots...their foul smelly hands contaminate anything they come in contact with.  The steal lives 
harm children, destroy families. Did you know that 98% of all crimes are alcohol or drug related.  I got that bit of information from someone who knows.  Did you know that the narcos pray to the Saint of Death so they can sell more drugs and create more addicts in the US.  It is a vicious circle.  I pray to God asking him to bring an end to this death chain.. Oh enough of that.

My kids are great. My grandkids are even better.  Amberlee and Brian are still in Lubbock ,Texas.  Andrew and Jessica live in San Antonio, Texas. Amanda and Jacob live two block from me.  

Resolution And Motivation

2010 Oh my, oh my! Here it is, a New Year! Adah tried to stay up with me to see the New Year arrive, but she fell asleep. She had lots of questions about the crystal ball. Will it break when it falls? Why does it fall? How does it fall? That is our Adah. She tells us all regularly that she is a genius. She crashed about 10:30. Thank goodness we didn't talk about resolutions. I am sure she would have had a thousand questions.
I have no resolutions. I do not plan to torment myself by planning to do something, and then to just have it tossed by the wayside in a few months. I just want to live one day at a time and do my best to honor and glorify God as I go about the business of making a living!

I heard this guy on the radio last night while we were driving back from Lubbock, and he was talking about what it is that gets a person through the day. He mentioned a lot of motivators, but the one that stuck in my mind was his reference to that "cold beer at the end of the day." What would it look like if the motivator was something other than that "cold one" at the end of the day? What if it was God and Jesus? Now, after living through what I have lived through, I can tell you that alcohol is not a motivator that gets me through the day. What would happen if I woke up thinking, "Today I have an opportunity to live one day at a time and live this day to the honor and glory of God"? I wake up thinking that this day is a day that I can try to be the best commode cleaner or best painter or best whatever it is. I know that God will be glorified, and He is pleased with me. It motivates me; it encourages me; it puts a bouncy in my step (along with my new shoes). And when I am so tired that I can hardly get my stuff in the car, I feel good; and I know that I finished well. God is honored.
Family
We had a great Christmas, the first time in a very long time. If I can get it posted here is a slide show of some of our time together and our beautiful snow!

Noah loves his Papaw.

Hope your holiday season was as much fun as ours!
Blessings from Belinda and Billy!

Bobbie, Espresso, and Love

Coffee! I need a pot of good strong black coffee... espresso would be better. I make myself a pot. I go away and come back in a few minutes. It is sputtering all over the stove even on a low fire. Oh drat ... why is it doing that?! It did the same thing yesterday. I fix my cup. It is a big one not a small one. Then I sit down to work on a painting for a bit. (I have started to paint again.) I go back to the kitchen to get a drink of water and wash the espresso pot. I open the pot and there is the problem. Grains of coffee on the rim that I did not brush away before I tightened the pot. Deja Vu! All of that has triggered a memory of when I first began to drink espresso. An electric burner in a small office pulled from a worn cabinet filled with tiny cups, sugar,spoons, napkins...not paper, and lots of coffee. The water was in the corner or under the desk, in a plastic water jug. The process was always the same. The careful filling of the pot with water, the packing of the coffee in the filter, that last brushing away of any stray grounds from the seal and the lip of the pot by a little stiff finger. That one act, that one movement done with so much detail and love has left its mark upon my memory. I learned so much more than just how to drink espresso in that office at the end of a narrow hall. I learned about kindness, manners, patience, love, tolerance, graciousness, and of course the ritual of the coffee. Thank you Bobbie!

Oh My This is Too Much News!

Hello to all of you out there in cyberspace. It has been a long time since I have been inspired to write. But the bug or the spirit is moving me so I am cranking up the blog. To retrace the last six months would be a terrible thing to do to myself and to you, so I will start from recent days. I have tried to keep up a bit with Facebook, but some days it is just too much. I cannot believe that we are living where we are, but it is a good place, and we are just a few blocks from Jacob and Amanda. I continue to clean houses and fill in with faux painting when the jobs are available. Billy works at Wal-Mart as a night stocker. This next week Billy and I are catering a dinner for the board of directors of the Childress Regional Medical Center. Gonna throw a little Mexican at them.
Family Reunion
What has inspired me to write again is the recent family reunion that we attended in Conway, Arkansas. Billy's sisters and their kids and our kids and all of the grand kids and cousins came together to renew our relationships. We were 34 in attendance. After that, our bunch went to the Buffalo River National Park for two nights and one complete day at the river.
This family that I married into some 37 years ago is an amazing group of people. This family has experienced hard knocks of all kinds. This family has experienced pain and heartache, death, sickness, personal struggles, addictions, and separations of family due to sin and Satan. This family came together on the 4th of July to renew ties. There are cousins that had not seen one another since Billy 's dad died in 1993. Most of them did not know Noah and were not sure what to expect. Some of them had not seen Billy in a long time. Most of us had not been with Billy's nephew Darren, who is also a recovering addict, in years. This family came together to love on one another with no strings attached. We ate together, swam, played bingo, set off fireworks, played music, and sang. On Sunday we worshipped together, and the Spirit of God was present. We prayed together and prayed over one another, and the power of healing flowed in and out and through each heart. Darren has a gift from God... a voice, and his son Devin has a gift of music to play the guitar. He has taught himself to read music and play. He bonded with Andrew quickly since Andrew plays the mandolin. Darren will only sing songs about Jesus and what he has done for him. He sang and most of us cried especially when he gave his testimony of how God has saved him.


Noah! Noah is God's child who teaches us all that God loves children and uses them to soften even the hardest heart. Everyone who held Noah talked about being about to feel the presence of Jesus. Noah for us is the most precious sweet child full of love and life and joy, even when he is teething and not feeling well. Noah makes people smile. This family prayed over Jacob, Amanda, Adah and Noah. Darren didn't know about Noah and his sickness. It broke his heart, but at the same time strengthened his faith to pray more earnestly for God's will to be done.


One member of our family was not able to be with us, Ben Earle. He Is serving in the Marines in Afghanistan. Also neither Doreen's nor Shelly's husbands were able to be with us.



The Buffalo River
One of the right things we did as our kids were growing up was to take them camping. We went for many years to float and camp on the Buffalo River. If you have never gone there you should put it on your bucket list. ( I know what that is now!)
It has been a dream of Amanda and Andrew to take their families to this sacred place and relive a small part of their childhood. Adah says it is the best place she has ever been. She was a bit disappointed that there are no buffalo. Needless to say it was complicated to go there after the Family Reunion, but is turned out to be a wonderful thing for all of our families.